A call to arms!

So Dan put this out there in class this week. He wants the program to be bigger than anticipated, so here's what he's proposing: that between the two graduating classes, mine (#2) and the very first one, that we publish 7 books in the next 5 years. Wow! That sure got my attention! He wants us to concentrate on writing stuff that is publishable, rather than stuff that seems like MFA workshop stuff, i.e. stuff we think is "literary", all style and low on substance. He even told us that if we write something great, he will personally give it to his agent. HOT DAMN! This was just the kind of thing that gets me fired up. I'm already working on something that I think could be successful, so I just need to put even more effort into it. And I'm going to! I emailed Dan yesterday and told him I was determined to be one of the 7, and he wants to talk to me about it next week. Anxious to hear what he says!

Dan rocks!

Here is what happened:

Sent: Thursday, September 17, 2009 3:56 PM
To:
Wheeler, Maggie
Attachments:
What's up, Maggie? You want to talk on the phone. I'm in my office for
the next 40 minutes -- XXX-XXXX -- give me a call.

Dan

On Sep 17, 2009, at 3:52 PM, Wheeler, Maggie wrote:

> at 3:52. Not having a productive day. I'll try again later.

So I did and I'm SO glad that I did! Here is my task:

"Why I Can't Write My Novel"

My assignment from Dan is to put what I told him in writing. Why I gave up today was because I am having a bad day. I'm emotional, my head hurts, and I still haven't gotten over my sinus infection. But really, the problem I've been having, today and in the past is that I have viewed writing as an emotional process, so therefore, if I am having a hard time, the last thing I want to do is deal with those emotions and if I'm writing, that's what I'm doing. So if I'm upset, the last thing I want to do is work on something that upsets me, right? What I need to do is make it simply about putting words on the screen and divorce my own emotional needs from the process. Perhaps I need to view writing as an escape as I do with reading! Wow! that just really hit me just now as I was writing that! If we all viewed writing as a fun escape from reality, what a huge difference that would make! Hot damn!

The other thing that I got clarification on is the whole idea of conflict. I've been worried that in discussion I've been wrong in the things I've said. I feel like I've been grasping for profound crap to say and trying to sound like I have found the Holy Grail for fixing everything. But when it comes to both the writing and the discussion the main thing is conflict. And if that exists in the story, it doesn't matter if it needs more of something or less of something. Conflict is the stone, the ripples are everything else. BAM! What a freaking AH HA phone call!

So I guess, now, I really can write my novel now! :-) Thanks Dan!

First story workshopped

Last night, I got my first trip in the "hot seat" over. It went better than I feared, based on Dan's comments to the guy last week. Here are his comments:

Maggie,

Your writing is powerful and fluent, and you have a good command of the drama in ordinary moments. I liked, particularly, the moment when she walked into the room and heard the "gunfire". That moment says a lot about him (and her), and it effortlessly ups the ante on this subtly dramatic situation for those few moments that we don't know what kind of gunfire you mean.

Still, I find this piece to be mostly skirting around the real drama. There's so much drama near this piece, but you always seem to be finding some way around it. There were two opportunities for dialogue here, and in both cases, you found a way to avoid it. That left me wondering if that was because the piece demanded that avoidance or if you (the author) was more comfortable just not getting into it.

During the workshop, I'll talk at length about all the drama that is inherent in this piece and the choices that were made to avoid it--we'll discuss whether they were good or bad choices. For right now, though, what I want to say is this: when you avoid drama--that is, decide that telling your story is more important that letting your story tell itself -- you want to be aware of the cost of that behavior. Yes, maybe they don't have anything to say to each other in their last moment together as a couple. Yes, maybe the mom doesn't have anything good to say to her daughter. But think about all that you're missing when you pass those opportunities by. Think of all that might have been revealed in those contentious moments. You'd better have a good reason to not let us find out.

Best,

Dan

So, not too bad I guess, right? I felt better after I read the comments when I got home. I'm not discouraged. I mean, I got into the program, so I know I don't suck. I think the thing that bothered me is that like half the students didn't have any comments, which kind of made me feel as if they were indifferent. Either that, or they didn't know what to say because they didn't know if there were supposed to be problems or not. IDK. I guess I'll see when I read the written comments from them. I'll post some of those after I read them. So, the good thing is that I got the first submission over and now I kind of know what Dan wants. I think next time I'll submit chapter one of Ghost. He wants drama! That's go DRAMA! ;-)

Our first actual "workshop"

Last night was the first time was actually workshopped a story. We had two, but because we had an early class so we could go hear our first speaker in the Visiting Writer's series, we only go through the first one. It was the first chapter of a novel and I hated it. The main character was two-dimensional and had NO redeeming characteristics. Plus, he killed cats as a way of determining the amount of poison he could use to make his infant daughter sick without killing her. And you all know that I do NOT enjoy anything that contains cruelty to animals. I just refuse to read the rest if I come across that shit. But I had no choice in this case. So we went around the table and everyone was gushing about Alex, how great the story was, how they loved the character, blah, blah, blah. My stomach started to churn. Was I the only one who wasn't in love with Alex and his character? This is the shit I hate aobut workshops. I always feel like if I don't agree with everyone else, I'm in the wrong. Luckily Corey had some valid criticisms, so I felt better.

And then Dan said flat out that the novel would never get published and no one would read it as written. Harsh, but true. I would not have read past the first page. And the lesson was that you have to hook the audience from the first page, which I already knew. And which I try to practice at all times.

So now, I have to submit for next week and I'm VERY nervous. I don't really care so much what my classmates think. It's Dan I'm worried about. He's blunt. Very blunt. And I'm terrified he's going to be blunt with me and I will be upset. The worst thing I could do is cry in class, and that's my fear. I'm going to be a nervous wreck on Wednesday. :-/

Week 2-- a downer

I don't know what is it, but last night I just wasn't feeling the love. Dan told us that we were going to workshop two stories a week, so that means we each have to go about twice. Then the days when class had been canceled because a visiting writer was going to be presenting at the same time, now are not canceled, instead we're having class at 4:00. I guess that all kind of deflated me a little.

But I think more than that was my dismay when he told us we should be working 2-3 hours a day, not just the original 48 minutes, and we need to schedule our work for a specific time every day. I nearly cried when I thought of it, because the past week the writing has been painful. I think the main part of that is that I just have not been excited about what I was working on, a project I started because I thought it would be a good "literary" thesis project. But I hated it almost from the beginning. I like the idea, but I think I just had not spent enough time letting the idea ferment and not enough research. So my choice was to do one of two things--continue with a project I don't like right now or go back to something I enjoyed working on, something that I doubt is literary.

Today, I came up with a compromise. My short stories naturally tend toward the literary, and I had already been working on the short story collection anyway, so I started work back on one of my favorite unfinished novel, A Ghost Of A Chance. And I wrote more in one 48 minute period than I did all last week. So for the literary, I'll work on the short story collection, for fun, Ghost. After I made that decision, I felt a lot better about working 2 hours a day.

Next week, we workshop tow stories and then go to our first reading. I glanced at the first story, actually it seems to be a novel chapter, and I am afraid I'm not going to like it. *Sigh* This is why I hate workshops! And I stupidly volunteered to submit for the following week. I thought it better to at least get one submission done and over with early on.

Here's to hoping next week is better!

A weekend of homework

What a weird, but strangely exciting, feeling having homework again. It's Sunday, and I have read the two articles assigned for Wednesday, and I have written my 48 minutes each day (I'm writing this today as part of that time). It's at times been more difficult than I thought it would be. A couple times I enjoyed the writing, but it's also been a struggle, basically because I've struggled with ideas or rather, not feeling like working on the ideas I had. There is a novel I've been wanting to start, but I haven't really been motivated to start it yet, telling myself that I need to do more research before I began. But yesterday, I actually started it, through an idea out of my Daily Writer book, which led me to actually begin the Prologue. That felt great and exciting, but today my mind just feel too frazzled to work on it, but I will make myself do it. And that's why I'm so glad that Dan is having us do this as part of uor homework.

First Day

So Wednesday night was the first night of class for me. I’m only taking one class this semester, so it was my one and only first day. I was nervous all day, but excited too, because it’s been a LONG time since I was a student. Besides that, I have NEVER been an MFA student before. So I was ready to get over there but kind of dreading it too. And on tops of that, my mother decided at the last minute she was going to go with me, which meant that I couldn’t go as early and get my student ID as I had planned to do. But after we got on the road, I was rather thankful she did go because I had gotten up at 5 AM for Boot Camp class and I was starting to get tired.

After being nervous about the time issue, since my mother is always late, we ended up getting there with at least 45 minutes to spare, and found a great spot very close to Jordan Hall. I had time to cruise through the bookstore, get a planner and a notebook plus a window decal for my car, and get something to eat. We sat outside on the patio and ate. A little before 7, I decided I had to at least get into the building, so I went it and found the classroom. One of my classmates Amy, whom I met over the summer, was already there, so that put me at ease right away. People started to filter in, most of them I recognized from either the party in June or the orientation on Sunday. There were only two people I didn’t recognize.

Dan, the professor, came in and he started class by posing the idea of not workshopping in the class, which is a Prose Workshop class. I was totally enthralled from that moment. What a cool idea! All the workshop classes I’ve been to have been SO structured, so competitive, and a general pain in the ass and not terribly helpful. Any feedback is usually someone saying something to be nice, and not really giving any helpful suggestions. So that suggestion, and instead working more on the process of being a writer, on being accountable, on working to put in the work, is more of what I wanted out of the MFA program to begin with. A couple students seemed reluctant. They really wanted someone to read their stories and pat them on the head. As Dan said “Get over that bullshit”! So I’ll be interested to see what happens next week!

The other thing we are doing in class is called “Clearing”. We have to go around the room every week and basically get off our chest the stuff that may keep us from being present that night in class, such as something that is bothering us. I was kind of nervous about that part because Dan said he will call us on what we say if he thinks we’re not being honest. But for the first day, I think I did ok.

As far as homework, our main work will be something that goes along with the whole non-workshopping discussion, and that is that we have to write for 48 minutes every day. No more. No less. Don’t ask me why 48 minutes. He didn’t tell us and I was too shy to ask. But that is really the kind of work I wanted to be doing in the program. So writing this is going to just about fill my time for today.

We have an article to read for next week, and two books for right now, which I will need to pick up tomorrow since I didn’t have time to do it today. Amazon is out of one of them, so I just hope Books-A-Million has them or I’m not sure what I’m going to do.

The last thing we had to do was sign up for a class period to bring snacks to. I love this idea because if we’re sitting there for two and a half hours, something to eat would be good to keep us awake. Plus, it contributes to the relaxed nature of the class.

So for a first day, my overall impressions are as follows:

One, I am SO glad I chose Butler over the other school I was admitted to. I think the regular classroom setting will be better for me than the low-residency option.

Two, I really like the way at least one faculty member teaches! I know that not everyone will run class this way, but I think I’m lucky that I am starting out with this type of person rather than someone more structured.

Three, I think the program is the right one for me! Small, relaxed, but totally intellectually challenging, which is what I have missed for a long time! Teaching composition is not the most stimulating work, especially if you’ve been doing it for over 10 years. I needed something to exercise my damn brain!

I feel almost worried that I am TOO excited about this degree. I know that there will be times when I’m irritated, frustrated, or down-right mad about something. That’s a part of getting an education. But I just am so thankful that it hasn’t started out that way. At least my first day in the MFA program will be colored by my enthusiasm, my sheer joy at being able to learn from new people in a new atmosphere. And I will remember walking out of Jordan Hall with a smile on my face, and a racing heart, no matter what comes in the next two years.

Orientation

Yesterday was the Orientation/ Welcome pizza party at Butler. I was nervous before Ray and I arrived for a couple reasons: one, I haven't been in school in like 10 years! And two, I had never been on Butler's campus, so I didn't have a clue where to go. Luckily, we made it there in plenty of time, found Jordan Hall with no problem, and even had time to cruise through the bookstore, a place I can see myself spending a little too much money, not just on books, but on Butler gear!

As far as the orientation part, painless. Of course we had to introduce ourselves, and whenever we do that, we identify ourselves as either "prose" (me) or "poetry". It is nice to know who I will be in classes with the most. I met several new "prose" people, one I had met previously at a party in June. Amy will be driving from Lafayette, so she will empathize with my situation. We agreed to park in the same lot and walk to our cars together. That will be a great help!

The program seems great- flexible, laid-back, and small, all the things I was looking for in an MFA program. I was able to see who my professor is for the workshop, though I didn't get a chance to actually talk to him. One of the second year "Prosers" told me he's "disarming", but refused to elaborate. Interesting. He seems very nice, I will say.

I did learn that there is a chance of getting 6 hours transfered to count as electives. I'm going to talk to the director about it. That would definitely help me out, by saving me a semester of driving.

The driving is the only drawback of the program for me, as far as I see at this point. I am very excited, still a little nervous, about beginning, but looking forward to Wednesday night!

Last week of vacation

So yeah, the dreams are starting, the ones where I'm late for class on the first day, or I get lost and can't find the room, you know the ones. I'm more nervous about this than I can remember ever being about school, except maybe for my first day of college. This is the worst part, the period of uncertainty before I really know what I've gotten myself into. On the plus side, we're having orientation this weekend, so that will help ease some of this. But not the pressure I will start to put on myself to do well. I've set a goal of straight As. I'm determined to succeed at that.

Two weeks from today

I will begin a new phase in my life: I will begin an MFA program at Butler University. I'm both nervous and excited. I decided that I'm going to document my journey in this space. I hope my triumphs will be many and my failures few. It promises to be an interesting two-year period in my life. Oh yeah, did I mention that I'll also be teaching full-time, so I'm keeping my current job.And that I'll be commuting an hour to go to class. AND I got divorced and have found the most wonderful man, the love of my life! WHEW! Looks like I'm going to have A LOT going on! Come back and see how I manage to juggle it all!